Q: Dear Jei,
I have been married for almost 12 years to my high school sweetheart, and for the past 5 years he has started becoming abusive. He lost his job about 3 years ago and has been working scattered jobs here and there but never managed to find anything permanent. I really feel like this is the reason for his anger. We have 3 children that are 10, 9 and 8 years old and he is not abusive to them but they have seen him be abusive to me. I am so torn… He always says how sorry he is and that it will never happen again. He claims he is just stressed and that I am bringing out this frustration. I have talked with my pastor and he advised me to seek out professional help but my husband refuses to go because he says he does not have an issue. I have 2 daughters and a son and I don’t want them seeing this but I don’t want them to be away from their father. None of my family and friends know about this and I feel like I am trapped because I have no one to talk to. When I keep pleading and he is not willing to get help what more can I do?
A: Dear Flower2be,
First, I want to tell you that you are not alone. So many women that are victims in abusive relationships feel hopeless. However, if you want to get out of that relationship, help and support can be found. If you stay, there are measures that you can take to protect yourself, and there is help available for your husband to address his problems, should he be prepared to do so. If you want to leave, even if you have no money, there are crisis centers and shelters that can accommodate you and your children. There is always something that can be done, so there’s no need to feel isolated and afraid. High school sweethearts or not, no person, man or woman, deserves to be abused. If your husband is not willing to seek help, then you need to do what is best for you and your children and take the necessary steps to protect yourself. Clear and rational thinking is vital so that you can make the right choice. No matter what he tells you, you are not to blame. You mentioned he would never harm the children… but he is harming them, because they are the sideline spectators to your abuse. Children live what they learn. Only you can change that. Please feel free to email me here at Drama Scene and I will help you connect with people that can help.
If you are looking for advice on love, sex, relationships, or dating…”Jei Knows it All” Send your comments below or questions to firstname.lastname@example.org